radbananarchist

paranoia cha cha cha

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 16:00:11 GMT

points to anyone who knows where the title came from.

so last night was frightening. haha basically, a stranger called and they said something that really creeped me out a ton. so i hung up and ran downstairs to get a knife because that's what i do when i'm home alone and i'm scared. i *69ed the number and when my sister came home she called it and the guy said he had the wrong number but from what he said to me on the phone it kinda makes me doubt him. plus he called our house twice. who dials the wrong number twice?

the knife was in my room. i distinctly remember thinking to myself that if it was gone when i got back then i had reason to be alarmed, because i always freak out that there is some random dude in my house. so i came back and the knife was nowhere to be found. it had been on my bed and i searched everywhere. it wasn't under a pillow. it wasn't in between the sheets. it wasn't anywhere. the knife was gone. so i was indeed very alarmed. by this point i thought there was some dude in my house.

i woke up this morning like normal. i got up and got some water then came back to my room. i looked at my bed and the knife was lying right where i had been alseep.

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 16:35:56 GMT

it must be written, and so it shall.

i am so angry right now

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 15:53:51 GMT

i hate guys. that's all.

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 20:51:42 GMT

Don’t grow up too soon
Yelled from rose colored windows
That I cannot see
As I run out the heavy door.

I am from a green world
Where “I love you” serves as spare change
Exchange rates inflate everyday.

Neighbors all look the same
Waves and smiles hanging in the air
Hello and goodbye and how are you and I am fine
Relationships become sentences with words I can count on my right hand.

Red bricks are lined in countless rows
A never-ending game of follow the leader
Something the children strive to achieve
But miss their goal every night with the call of

“It’s time for bed.”

muah

Wed, 31 May 2006 18:34:43 GMT

let me count the things that went right today:

- wrote physics paper this morning, got everything finished.
- talked about physics paper; didn't sound stupid or weird.
- consequently raised physics grade by several percent.
- received schedule and edited it. my classes are thus:
   - AP Euro
   - AP English
   - AP Calculus BC
   - AP Music Theory (YES, YES AND THRICE YES!!!)
   - Anatomy
   - Chorale
   - Religion
   - some sort of gym class
- got an A on my parallel paper. he also wrote "very well written" which makes me happy because i like to think of myself as a writer. and the fact that i actually cared about this paper makes me especially happy, because i know that it really is good. it isn't mediocre. it is a good paper. and i am smiling like a looney tune. :D

so today was very good. and i am happy. i love this.

<3 Sarah

3

haha gahhh

Tue, 30 May 2006 00:56:06 GMT

Level 1
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar..
( ) done drugs
( ) kissed with a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
total=0

Level 2
(x) been in love
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
total= 1

Level 3
(snuck in, not out) snuck out of a parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
total= 2

Level 4
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) seen someone dead
total= 3

Level 5
(x) had/have a crush on one of your MYSPACE friends
(x) been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up from drinking
total= 4

Level 6
( ) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
(x) been moshing
total= 1

Level 7
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) love someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
total= 3

Level 8
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
total= 5

Level 9
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep atwork/school
total=5

Level 10
( ) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
() felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
total= 2

Level 11
(hahaha everyday of my life) been tickled in the past week
( ) been robbed/vandalized
( )robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer
total= 3

Level 12
(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x)been in a car/motorcyleaccident
total= 3

Level 13
(x) had braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight.
total= 3

Level 14
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
total= 3

Level 15
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) swam in the ocean
( ) felt like dying
total= 2

Level 16
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sang karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
total= 4

Level 17
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) kissed in the rain/snow
total= 4

Level 18
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
total= 2

Level 19
( ) crashed a party
( ) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
( )humped a monkey
total=2

Level 20
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed "penis" in class..
( ) ate dog food
(x)told a complete stranger you loved them
total= 2

Level 21
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have/had a little black dress
( ) had sex at the lake
( ) had sex in a park
( ) had sex in a car
( ) had sex in your parents room
(x) glued your hand to something
total= 3

Level 22
( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) Sat on a roof top
total= 1

Level 23
( ) had sex at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
total= 2

Level 24
(x) didnt take a shower for a week
( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had/been in a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone
total= 3

Level 25
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(hello ndp uniform) worn a really ugly outfit to school
( ) gone streaking
(x) played ding-dong-ditch
total= 3

Level 26
(x) played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
total= 4

Level 27
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn
(they scare me) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
total= 3

Level 28
( ) mooned/flashed someone
( ) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
( ) French braided someones hair.
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house..
total= 2

Level 30
(x) Rode a roller coaster
( ) went scuba-diving
(x) had a cavity
( ) Black-mailed someone
( ) been black mailed
total= 2

Level 31
(x) Been used
(x) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat
(x) bitten someone
total= 3

: its the end of your school year is coming to a close, fill out this survey according to all of things you have accomplished...

((--LOVE--))

-Did you have a boyfriend/girlfriend & how many?: Yup, 1

-Have you fallen in love?: yes

-Get dumped?: nope

-Get ditched?: nope

-Been harassed by someone you once had a "thing" with?: Nope

-Broken up with somebody?: Nope

-Met someone you can't live without?: nope

-If you have one, who is your bf/gf?: Dennis

-Best friend?: Kt/Shannon/Kelly/Jen/…

((--SCHOOL--))

-What school did you go to?: NDP

-Was this year the best year so far?: actually yes, I’d say so

-Did you change cliques?: cliques are stupid and pointless

-Fail a class?: nope :)

-Make the honor roll?: 1st and 2nd quarter

-Hate a teacher?: everyone knows how I feel about physics and anything/anyone associated with it

-Get in any fights?: Nah

((--FRIENDS--))

-Gain any new friends: yup

-Lose any old friends?: I hope not

-Get in a fight with a friend?: nay

-Gone to a movie with a friend?: yup

-Told a friend you loved them and meant it?: all the time, cause I do

((--PERSONAL--))

-Lost a family member?: no

-Get any taller?: nah, I haven’t gotten taller in a few years

-Know someone that graduated from high school?: Yeah

-Cut your hair?: yeah, I cut it short a few times earlier but I’m gonna let it grow for a while

-Changed hair colors?: Nope

-Discovered a new talent?: haha i wish

-Hug more than 3 different people?: of course

-Tell someone "i love you" and meant it?: yup

-Went to a fair?: shan’s birthday :)

-Went to a circus?: nope, dammit

-Gotten drunk?: haha all the time

-Did something you werent supposed to?: yess

-Kept a secret from your parent?: Yesssss

-Dated/"talked to" someone you wish you hadn't?: nope

-Hated someone of the opposite sex?: yesyesyesyesyes

-Discovered something about people in general?: yes but it’s a secret

-Passed the grade you are in?: haha I hope so

-Saw a kiddie movie at the theaters?: curious george. It was probably the best movie I’ve seen for a while

-Spend most of your year watching tv?: I don’t really watch too much tv

-Read a book?: yup

-Sat through something boring?: Yes

-Drove a truck?: Nope

-Stolen anything?: yes...your heart ;)

-Skinny dipped?: no, but I would like to

Thu, 25 May 2006 23:51:07 GMT

ok so i am kind of annoyed right now and i am stressed out as fuck.

i thought that all of this free time would calm me down a little bit, but it has done the complete reverse. i am not a motivated person, and now that i have nothing to do, i am doing just that. i can feel myself going crazier and crazier with each passing day as i sit and stare at the blue carpet in that small room with no windows. i feel like i should be doing so much, but i can't even think.

that's another thing, i can't focus my attention on anything for more than like two seconds. and now i'm freaking out because i have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life. i thought i wanted to go to boston. maybe i do. i have no idea. i'm afraid of commitment and not just with school. i'm so afraid i'm going to fuck things up.

i'm pissed off because i feel like i have wasted my life up til now. and now i have no idea what i wanna do with the rest of it. i'm going crazy. and i have really bad PMS. and all i wanna do is go run and get the fuck away from anyone who asks me about what i wanna do when i grow up. or anyone who makes me jealous because i've been getting jealous a lot lately and i hate that. i hate school. i seriously went to school this year for parallel and chorale and now both of those are pretty much finished.

this is fucking worthless. i go to school everyday to stare blankly at the board in physics and to go to religion. at least religion is good. mr. dowling is awesome and my friends are with me, but still, i'm sick of school. i need to find something better to do because I AM LOSING MY MIND.

pleasepleaseplease, someone take me to a park and feed birds with me or something. we can act crazy together and look like bagladies.

i actually have a plan. i'm going to france soon and what i'm going to do is win the respect of the gypsy children and learn their ways. then i will come back here and wreak havok on everything and everyone. but it will be organized, not anarchy.

i'm fucking crazy. i need to leave now.

i really do and i really don't

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 18:11:07 GMT

i am so fucking confused.

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 05:05:06 GMT

why is it that right after you call someone an asshole they wind up being totally cool? WHY DOES THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN?!

this weekend has been exceptional so far. friday i went to the dead teenagers premier with john and i met his friend will and that was very fun. my sister asked me what i was doing that night and i wasn't quite sure how to describe it, so i said it was like a bunch of are you afraid of the dark episodes for big kids all tied together in one film, so she got excited about it and took her boyfriend. hahaha i felt kind of bad because they are obviously not too big on punk rock, and they felt out of place, but they ended up having a really good time. i'm really glad that they came.

stu and matt sat behind me and i didn't want to kill either of them, so that was good. they actually kind of made me laugh, so kudos to them. there was this old man on the end of their row wearing three pairs of glasses. it was totally hardcore. that man is my hero now. i am totally glad that he exists and i hope he knows how awesome he is.

tonight was awesome too. ten car was great. actually, only two of the bands were good but it was fun anyway. skyflowers was fantastic. we met this kid named chris tonight who was skinny and had goofy hair, but he was pretty fun actually and had some great one-liners. i drank so much caffeine that i feel really sick right now, but i don't care. tonight was great and i'm truly happy anyway.

haha ok now for a little lameness. i miss my boyfriend. a lot. he's sort of cute and sweet and i guess i kind of like him a little bit. and i miss kelly and eej. but it shall be fine because i'm going to BOSTONNNN in two days. wait. no. one day now. because it is now tomorrow. even though it still seems like today. i hope you are confused because that was my intent.

i hate when people smoke and drink too much.

i love teenage bottlerocket. and also zombina and the skeletones. and skyflowers. and punk rock music. and goofy people who play punk rock music. and ten car pileup. and that really awesome guy who didn't stop circle pitting while skyflowers played tonight. i am so happy right now.

and now i must depart because my foot fell asleep and i need to walk it off.

love always,
Sarah

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 18:26:25 GMT

I remember being terrified of the "Clockwork Orange" poster hanging over your bed. i used to complain to mom everyday about how it scared me. i remember when she made you take it down, sorry about that. i remember watching A Clockwork Orange years later and thinking these same thoughts. i remember thinking that the movie was creepy but it was cool. and i remember thinking that you were cool too. i always thought you were the coolest person i knew.

i still do, actually.

i remember sneaking into your room to look at all the band posters hanging on the walls. I remember seeing the names "flogging molly" and "rancid" and looking at pictures of people with mohawks. i remember seeing band t-shirts in your closet and reading off the names, thinking to myself how i wanted to be like you when i grew up.

i still do, actually.

i remember when you got your license and mom used to make you drive me to church because she was teaching sunday school. i used to love how you would turn up your music really loud, and how we would always laugh when we heard, "if i only had the strength to make some muffins, then i swear that i would share them with you now." i remember how "bullion" was one of my favorite songs because you liked it and that meant that i liked it too.

it's still one of my favorites, actually.

i miss you a lot. i really really really miss you. you've always been too cool for me but that doesn't bother me at all. what bothers me is that i can't even tell you that i am who i am because of you. i've looked up to you since before i can remember and right now you need a hand. luckily i have two. i guess eventually we're going to be doing just fine.